My Lonely Pain
by branbran0206
Summary: JD has developed some not so good habits… This is right after Kim told him there was no baby anymore…
1. Chapter 1: Porch Ponderings

My Lonely Pain

I do not OWN Scrubs (I do however wish I owned Zach Braff).

Summary- JD has developed some not so good habits… This is right after Kim told him there was no baby anymore…

Sitting on porch alone in the dark was depressing, but he had been depressed for a while now so that was nothing new, ever since Kim had told him about the miscarriage he had been living in a haze that consisted of the hospital and this porch. At first he was just really stunned that there was no baby, and then a little relieved. He had no clue on how to be a father, but as time wore on he began to realize just how badly it had messed him up inside.

He started pulling away from the people that he loved gradually, skipping lunch in the cafeteria opting to see more patients instead, bailing on Turk and basketball games that he sucked at anyway. Not hanging out with Carla or Elliot in the on-call room. Instead he would find an empty room and just sit in silence, away from all the noise and constant demands. It was in these moments that he would ponder what the hell was happening to him, everyone was moving forward it seemed but him, Turk and Carla had a family now, Dr. Cox was as happy as he was ever going to get with Jordan and even Elliot: neurotic, rambling, crazy person Elliot had finally found Keith.

He felt alone and desolate like everyone was moving on without him; and his one chance to move was gone before it had even really gotten started. He had even started to resent his friends especially his oldest one. "V-Bear you wanna come over to the crib for Gilmore Girls tonight?" "I can't Turk I got other things to do, and though I am fond of Izzie, baby vomit is hard to get off sneakers" "Yo man this is like the umpteenth time you have dumped me for something else!! You have another Bear in your life…don't you!" The truth was he just couldn't stand to be around Turk's happy family it was a too painful reminder of what he could have had. So instead of opening up, he closed up no longer letting anyone in, it was easier that way keeping people at an arms distance so that they couldn't see the hurt or know the secret.

Please review …… I so crave the reviews!!!


	2. Chapter 2: The Secret

My Lonely Pain

(I still do not own scrubs..Sniff…sob and sigh)

Chapter two: The Secret

The way things had been going it was a wonder that he was still able to function upright, let alone take care of other people; it was weighing on him heavy this burden, this deceit. He had alienated everyone only speaking when spoken to barley making eye contact he had fallen so deep into himself it was if he had never existed at all. There was only one thing that made him warm inside, and that was the ride he took every time he tapped a vein.

It wasn't like he woke up the morning after he got back from Tacoma and said "I think I am going to become an addict" It was more like he began helping himself to the easy access of the pharmacy, and even that took some nerve. After being a poster boy for the D.A.R.E program for so long who would think that he could ever be a user? Certainly not John Dorian so when he wrote that first bogus script for vicodin no one was more surprised than himself. After that first time his fate was sealed, the pain came to a stand still and the lonely went away. He didn't care that his girlfriend was gone or that his baby was dead, he didn't hurt when he saw Turk and his family and he could give a flying flip about Elliot or Keith.

When he was high the world fell away and he fell with it, into a gossamer cloud of cotton candy bliss, the only problem was that he didn't stay high for very long and when he woke up the pain was right there waiting for him. That's when he began to search for a new and better high a longer-lasting one and that is when he met Winston and that was the beginning of the end.

More to come, however I am going to switch Point of Views very soon……Tell me what you think so far…SMOOCHES.


	3. Chapter 3: Spiraling Abyss

My Lonely Pain

Chapter three: Spiraling Abyss

He was on the first hour of his six-hour shift when the sweats began, he hadn't been able to make that all important phone call before work, and now he was starting to get sick. This was not good considering he was barley keeping it together without going into withdrawal. With each passing moment each hair on his head began to cause him pain and the rushing sound in his ears was getting louder and louder, He needed to get out of there, he needed to find Winston. Find Winston; find Winston he repeated the mantra in his head over and over in his head while making his way down the bustling hallway. Passing the nurses station was where he ran into interference and was deterred from his mission.

"Say Pricilla just where do you think you are headed? Mr. Gates over there needs a-tending to, and I am certainly not going to do it seeing as he is your responsibility and yours alone."

He just stared at the older doctor not really seeing him, but rather staring straight though him, he was too far gone in the sickness to be messed with he had one task on his mind and it didn't include Mr. Gates. He thought about not giving any kind of response and just walking off but then that would lead to more hassle and he didn't have that kind of time.

"Look I have to take care of some stuff; I never get a break from this freakin place you say jump and I say how high… I am in no mood for you're my pair is bigger than yours macho crap today, so do me a favor and get off my damn back!"

He was teetering on dangerous ground he was very close to bashing the other man's head in so with out a second thought he out the door, cell phone in head calling his savior, calling Winston. If he had bothered to look back he would have seen the stunned faces of his colleagues and friends but he would have seen what the others had been looking at for weeks now he would have seen himself spiraling.

The apartment was what you'd think a dealer/ drug den would look like…seedy, it was dank and reeked of hopelessness, it had a ratty mattress and sad looking table covered with tools of the trade and a few lost souls sprinkled throughout the small two bedroom hole. As he stepped through the door he tried to recall how he ended up there. It had been around midnight about a month ago, when the vicodin had no longer been enough to keep the pain of lost babies and self hatred away. So he had walked to the bar hoping to drink it away, forgoing his usual appletini for a three straight shots of vodka, he was just knocking back the third shot when the man perched next to him took notice.

"Someone or something has completely fucked you over my man…. Am I right?"

Already a little fuzzy he turned his head to the source of the voice and found himself staring at a wisp of a man with blond spiked hair, and a pock-marked face. Maybe it was the three shots but all he could think was _this dude should really try some proactive it would do wonders for those blemishes. _The man then introduced himself as Winston no last name just Winston, they would spend the rest of the night talking as he continued drinking.

As dawn approached the two men would stumble out of the bar and the drunker of the two would have no recollection of what he had said to the other. However it must have been something along the lines of escaping reality and pain because before they parted ways Winston spoke and said.

"I've got the stuff to make ya forget pain even exists."

The needles took some time getting use to; sure he was around them every day, and sure he and everybody around him used them, but it was something totally different when you are pushing that metal into your own skin. The first time he rolled up his sleeve and searched for that perfect vein it was surreal, he watched himself sit on that musty mattress and tie off his arm with a belt to make the vein stand out. He watched himself take the syringe and stick into his arm, and then he saw his eyes roll back and the rush of peace and it was like he had done it a thousand times before.

That is how he got there and that was why he was back, Winston smiled as he shut the door and sat back down at the table.

"Man you're just in luck, just got in a shipment, fresh of the boat if ya will."

He was already rolling up his sleeve on his arm he could see the beginnings of a road map, small even red pricks were starting landscape and map over his arm; it would be just a matter of time before the other one became just as traveled. He couldn't think about that now all he could think about was taking that ride and letting everything else just spiral.

Ok so that is three…. I hope you all are liking it suggestions on where to go with it next would be welcomed!!!


	4. Chapter 4: The Other sides

My Lonely Pain

Chapter four: The Other side

**Ok so this chapter is going to be switching to different views, so just please hang on while I work this out!**

(JD POV)

He was wet and he didn't know why, still in a hazy like state he tried to remember where he was and what he was doing there. Slowly cracking an eye open he was greeted by the splashing of water by a leaking pipe hanging overhead, It was then he remembered he was at his dealers apartment laying on a soggy mattress in the corner. Lifting himself up he looked around to see if anyone else was around, he wondered how long he had been out glancing at his watch the time read 12:09, shit he had been out for half the damn day! What the hell was in that last batch? He heard snoring and turned to see who he had been laying next to during his stupor. It was a gangly woman with scraggly brown hair with red streaks; she had on a leather skirt that was hiked up past her thighs and a hot pink bra. He hoped against all hope that he hadn't done anything too stupid while riding the high, but he knew that it was more than likely that he now knew this woman a little too well. The door opened jarring him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Winston.

"Hey dude you've been out it for a while man, that last hit you took was a doozy!"

His mouth was dry and he was having trouble focusing seeing as he was still coming down, he was confused that last clear thing he could remember was leaving the hospital to come here. He had completely ditched his shift and he knew that Dr. Cox was going have murder in his blood when he saw him.

"I've….I got to get back to the hospital, I am suppose to be on-call, and I only came to get a hit and leave! Damn I didn't mean to be gone for this many hours!"

"Um JD buddy I hate to break it to ya but, you ain't been here for no hour or two, you have been here since yesterday afternoon, and its now 12 in the morning which means 24 solid hours have past you by"

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT he went cold he knew everyone was probably panicking about his whereabouts; he should really call and let them know that he was at least still breathing for the moment.

"I….s..sshould at least c..call and let them know I am ok."

Winston just shrugged, "If you say so."

"But before you do look what I got."

He held up a full baggy of the precious white powder that JD had come to love so.

"I can call later."

(DR. Cox POV): Back at the Hospital.

Something was going on with that friggin kid and though it pained him to admit he was kind of worried. It had been a day since he had last seen Miranda and him not showing up for a shift was unusual to say the least. Maybe his ethnic girlfriend had seen him today.

"Say Mt baldy have you seen your panty wearing friend today? He was suppose to be on two-hours ago, not to mention he left early yesterday, after digging into his man purse for what I can only assume his man parts because he had the gall to yell at me and try to put me in my place…like that will ever happen."

"Nope I haven't seen him and now that you mention it he missing in action for like a whole day now………Oh God I hope something has not happened to my V-bear!!"

"Can you be any gayer?"

Ok so even his blacker half has not heard from him, this is not good seeing as how those two Mary's are joined at the hip, As he head down the hall I think back on how off the kid has been lately ever since he got back from Tacoma he hasn't been his annoying self following me around like a lap dog. He passed the nurses station and see Barbie and Carla I wonder if they have heard from Jodie.

"Have you two seen or heard from Marybeth today?"

Both Carla and Barbie shake their heads no and just when he thought that he was going to make it with out one of Barbie's oh-so-pointless stories.

"Ohmygosh this reminds me of the time my brother Barry went missing for like two days and we all thought that he had been abducted by Mexican apple thieves, but it turned out that he just went to aspen with Rudy our pool boy, who was also sleeping with my mother and our Bolivian maid Rita"

_Well I have just lost prized minuets of my life that I will never get back, As I walk away with the beginnings of a migraine thanks to that story a nagging thought sits at the back of my mind… I actually miss newbie………Damn._

This chapter was kind of hard to write b/c I am trying to show the story from all sides and get out of JD's head. Well let me know if it was craptastic or fantastic!!


	5. Chapter 5: Tripping Insanity

My Lonely Pain

Chapter Five: Tripping Insanity

He was high so high in fact that he could barley stand, but yet here he was leaning against entryway to the hospital lobby. Winston had dropped him off after he had become coherent enough to possibly carry on a conversation. Making his way into the hospital it was hard to walk seeing as how every thing was on a slant and he was trying not to roll down with it, the first person he ran into was of course the Janitor who said something but to him it came out sounding like he was speaking under water. He needed to lay down or he was going to pass out cold, If he could just make it to the on-call room he would be safe as a newborn kitten but first he had to get past the nurses station.

(Carla's POV)

I saw Bambi leaning against the wall behind the nurse's station he looked…. Well he looked like absolute utter shit. His eyes were unfocused and almost rolling toward the back of his head and he looked so pale and not his usual white boy pale he looked like death. We had been trying to reach him for a whole day and a half to no avail and now he shows up looking like this maybe he has just been sick and needs help. As I walk over to him I can see that he is a mess and he kinda of smells what the hell has he been doing? "Bambi where in the hell have you been, do you know that we have all been worried sick?!" No answer, no nothing in fact I pretty sure that he might be asleep I shake him and he opens his eyes and looks blearily around. "Heyyyyy Carla how ya been doin?" I want to smack him but something interrupts me, my husband comes barreling into us like a wild moose yelling "JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJDDDDDDDDDDDYOURRRRRBACKKKKKKK!!"

I watch as he tackles Bambi to the floor in front of me I see Dr. Cox and Elliot approach and of course they both have something to say.

"Well it looks as if the two lovers have been reunited… and it does not feel good."

"OHMYGOD JD where have you been?"

"Yes Barbie does bring up a good point; Kelso has been breathing fire down my neck since you went AWOL."

Turk lets go of the vice grip he has on Bambi's neck and stands back up, I notice as we all do, the trouble Bambi has as he sways and reaches his arms out to get back up and I look as eyes feel with worry. "Lucy you ok?" Bambi mumbles out some intangible words as he continues to sway on his feet. I think I can make out the words lie and down but that is all I get before I see Bambi's Knees buckle and he falls to the ground. I stare in horror as they all descend on him and Dr. Cox barking out orders that I can't hear I am frozen, as they remove Bambi's jacket and throw it aside I catch a glimpse of something sticking out of the pocket and I am able to move again I pick up the jacket and reach into the pocket.

"You guys……y-y-you need to get him on a drip quickly and possible pump his stomach."

They all stop and look up Dr. Cox's eyes frantic "Why would you say that?"

"Because I found this in his jacket pocket." I hold up the needle and baggy of small white powder Turk and Elliot looked confused and Dr. Cox looks back down at Bambi's still form anger flooding his face.

"Stupid kid, DAMNIT NEWBIE DAMNIT!"

Turk and Elliot still have not said anything and I don't blame them, we have tripped into insanity.

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, I WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH IT...ANYHOO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

PS. WHO SAW THE SEASON FINALE I HOPE JD AND ELLIOT DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!!


	6. Chapter 6:WilltheRealJDPleaseStandUp

My Lonely Pain

Chapter Six: Will the Real JD Please Stand Up

He was screaming and yelling obscenities that would curl your dead grandmother's toes, it had been about an hour since he had regained consciousness and he had gone right into withdrawal. At first he thought that he could handle it, plus the shame now that everyone knew that he was nothing but a junkie, but even before the first thirty minuets were up, he began to get that sweetly sick feeling, and he knew all the medicine in Sacred Heart was not going to cure him of this ailment. Ripping the IV's and heart monitor off he stood on shaky feet looking for his clothes and began cursing when he could not find them. Still muttering to himself he didn't even hear the door open.

(Turk's POV)

I have been in shock since Carla pulled that needle and baggy out of my best friend's coat pocket, I can't wrap my mind around it, it's the craziest thing I mean this is my man, my boy this is JD! In college he wouldn't even take a Tylenol P.M because he said they made him to groggy in the morning, so it makes no sense that he would be taking hard core drugs. I know that he has been acting kind of strange lately, but I thought that it was just cause of the whole Kim situation and I was trying to give him space and I have been really busy between work and Carla, but no way was my head this far up my ass not to notice my best friend falling like this. Yet here I am watching him through the glass ripping out his IV's and searching for the clothes that he is not going to find, and here I am trying to make myself go into the room and try to find out what the hell happened to my oldest and dearest friend.

"JD, you need to calm down and get back into bed."

"Fuck you where the hell are my clothes!"

This is going to be hard he looks wild and crazy; I gulp and try to remember that he is going into withdrawal his hair that is usually somewhat tame is all over his head and he looks like a shadow of himself and it is breaking my heart.

"V-Bear it's me SCB, I need you to get back into bed, so that we can help you, come on man you know you don't want Cox to come in here."

"I need to get outta here Turk…please I am sick you've gotta help me!! I am in pain, PLEASE!!"

He is pleading and begging me his eyes are glazed over and he looks so helpless and frail in that hospital gown, I don't know what to do or say he is the one that is usually so good at this stuff; I sigh and put my head down.

"JD you know that I can't let you out of here." In an instant that same pleading look is replaced by anger and hatred and I barely recognize him.

"WELL FUCK YOU THEN, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!! YOU SHORT BALD FUCKER WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE YOU WILL BE SORRY!"

I know in my heart that it's the drugs talking and the person standing in front of me is not the real JD but it still hurts and so I grab him and force him back onto the bed, while he is kicking and screaming at me, I call out for restraints and Carla and Laverne rush in to help me strap him down. Once we get him down and sedated I can really see his arms and they are a mess, I can see where he pushed the needle into his arm over and over again and I can feel my eyes and heart well up. I look up at Carla and she just shakes her head and if to say _None of us knew it was this bad_, I feel defeated like I just lost a patient. As we walk out of the room I look back at my friend and he looks almost peaceful in his drug induced sleep, but I know that we have a long way to go if we ever want to get the real JD back.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK...SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME!!!


	7. Chapter 7: A Slipping Down Life

My Lonely Pain

Chapter seven: A slipping down life

Everything hurt the throbbing in his body was so intense that his teeth were in pain. He had to get out of the hospital and back to Winston so that he could take care of this never ending pain. He was so skinny that he was almost transparent so the restraining straps that tied him to the bed were pointless as easily slipped his boney wrist out of the loops. Standing on shaky legs he managed to make it to the door, he had to get to the supply closet at the end of the hall so that he could steal a pair of scrubs. Glancing towards the nurse's station he saw that Carla was busy with paper work and Dr. Cox did not seem to be around. He made a dash down the hall keeping his head low until he reached the closet; he grabbed a pair of navy scrubs and was out the main door before anyone was the wiser. POV)

I have not been to see the kid since he collapsed I am just too damn mad, this was Nancy we were talking about, the goofy kid that was always smiling about something. To see him whacked out of his skull like that was unnerving; he is flushing his life down the toilet all because of a curve ball that had been thrown at him. I am pissed and I mean red-hot pissed and I am going to tell the stupid kid off for making us worry and most of all for making me give a shit!

(Carla's POV)

Bambi's gone I went to his bed to check on him and it was empty I don't know how we could be so stupid! We should have been watching him closer God only knows where he is; well I mean I have an idea of what he is going to get, but where? I have to find Turk and Dr. Cox this is terrible how none of us could see how bad JD has gotten he is just a shadow of himself and it barely even registered with any of us. This is going to kill Turk if we don't find him before its too late and I can't let that happen, I can't lose both of my boys.

(Elliot's POV)

We are out looking for JD it has been hours and we still have not found him, I am going to head back to the hospital just in case he comes back. I seek solace in my closet and do what I do best cry. I feel so helpless JD my friend, my lover and my support is suffering so badly and I didn't even notice and now he is gone and the next time I see him it might be in the morgue. I can't even imagine what the others are feeling right now I know Turk is probably climbing the walls and even though will never admit to it I know that he is scared, we all are.

The pain is gone and I can't even remember having it, I am once again floating and leaving everything that is bad behind me. I know that my friends are mad and angry but they have no idea just how bad I hurt when I am not high, I know I disappointing them hell I am disappointing myself but I just can't take the pain of the cold reality anymore and I will do anything to block it out. Besides they don't need me they have each other I was always the dead weight. It is better this way not to feel, to have a slipping down life.


	8. Chapter 8: The Search Party

My Lonely Pain

My Lonely Pain

Chapter Eight: The Search Party

(JD POV)

He was cold, he was so damn cold and he didn't think that he was ever going to get warm again. The pain that he had been running from was back, and this time he didn't think he was going to escape it. Winston was nowhere to be found; he was not at the apartment and he was not answering his cell phone. JD needed to get high because dead babies were mocking him and the self-loathing was at its highest, he was alone and no one would understand, not Turk, Carla, Elliot or even the all knowing Dr. Cox. He just wanted it all to stop, all of it and if he did find Winston soon he knew how he could.

(Turk POV)

Where was HE, all that mattered was finding JD so that they could get him the help that he needed before it was too late. He had been driving around looking for him for the last two hours calling Elliot every five minutes to see if maybe JD had come back to the hospital. The guilt was overwhelming how had he not seen this; how blind had he been to the fact that his best friend had become a full-fledged drug addict. He would never give up on JD because he knew that somewhere inside, the JD the he knew and loved was still there and if he had to go to the ends of the earth to get him back he would.

(Dr. Cox)

They had been out all night looking for that damn kid and still there was no sign of him anywhere. It had been nerve racking to say the least out there searching the dark allies and seedy bars hoping against all hope that this was not really happening; and that JD would jump out with that goofy smile of his telling him that this was the biggest April fools joke ever. But he knew better than to delude himself with fantasy, he was use to dealing with reality and the reality of it was that they were all going to losing him if they didn't find him soon.

(Carla POV)

She wanted to hate Bambi for putting them all through this she wanted to run and take Turk with her never look back. But she knew that if they were to really lose Bambi then Turk would be lost as well. They had all split up each of them taking a different part of town looking for him and she made her tenth round past his porch praying to god that he would be sitting there waiting for her. He of course wasn't there that would have been too easy, and she knew better than anyone that JD never did anything that was too easy.

(Elliot POV)

Turk has been calling every five-frickin minutes and she might have to kill him if the stress doesn't first. Waiting has been the worst just waiting for anything to happen, waiting for the emergency room doors to burst open with JD on a gurney and Dr. Cox barking out orders. Waiting for a police officer to come in with a body found overdosed on some street corner, waiting for JD to come back on his own. She hoped that they would come back soon and tell her something because the waiting was driving her crazy and she could not afford to lose any further sanity.

(JD POV)

He was so stupid and selfish causing all this pain all this hurt, it was his entire fault and he had to end it. When he could not find Winston he knew what he must do, it was fate telling him what to do. But first he had to call his best friend, he owed him that much and he knew that everyone must be worried about him, with the exception of Dr. Cox. He made his way to a corner pay phone and dialed that familiar number.

(Turk POV)

When his phone rang he almost jumped out of his skin, he had been immersed in scanning the streets for his best friend so it was most shocking when he heard the broken voice on the other end of the line.

" Turk I am so sorry, tell everyone that I am sorry please."

" Tell me where you are and I will come and get you, just tell me JD."

" No Turk I have already caused too much hurt, you need to go and be with your family, just forget about me…. Go be with Carla and Izzy."

His heart broken at that statement " JD you are my family too and I can't go home without you."

" Please Turk its better this way I am so sorry……. I love you man."

All he heard was a dial tone and JD was gone.


	9. Chapter: 9 Found But Still Lost

My Lonely Pain

(Do not own….. just borrowing for amusement)

Chapter Nine: Found but still Lost

(JD POV)

_After he hung up the phone with Turk he was more determined than ever to make sure that he would never be a burden on those that he loved ever again. He was too far-gone and too damaged to be saved; and if he went back to the hospital it would be nothing but heartache for everyone involved. It hurt to think about what his life had become in such a short time, he could not stand the pain it was too much and it was beating him down and making each breath harder to take. He didn't want his friends to see him continue to use, but using was the only way that he could stay alive and function. So the obvious choice was to end it completely, the wind was whipping through the thin scrubs that he had pilfered from the hospital as he made his way back to Winston's apartment to try and connect with him one last time. The sun was just starting to come up as he knocked on the door and prayed to a God that probably was not listening for someone to answer. JD could hear movement on the inside and the door swung open to reveal a half-sleep Winston_

_._

" JD man where the hell have you been I got your message last night and stayed up waiting for you."

" I got caught up and I could not get away, my friends were trying to get me into rehab and I had to shake them before I could come here,"

I followed Winston to the back of the apartment and into the kitchen, there he went into his bedroom and came back with my cell phone and wallet.

" I must really like you, to give you back all your shit like this man, I would have sold it if it were anybody else…. But you seem like such a different dude and you always pay me so I figured what the hell."

I see that my cell phone has 20 missed calls and about a thousand text messages and I know that they are all from the people that I am slowly killing with my nonsense. I am in a bad way and I know it, and I make the decision without another thought.

" Winston give me everything you got."

(Turk POV)

I am shaking and terrified that I have just spoken to JD for the last time and I will never see him alive again. I have somehow made it back to Scared Heart and I have been sitting in a stupor trying to will myself into believing that this was all a dream and I am going to wake up very soon. I need to do something I can't just sit here and let this happen to my best friend, I have to do something like find the rat bastard that is selling this poisonous shit to JD.

(Carla POV)

Turk has been sitting in the on-call room in the dark since he got back looking for JD he told me about the phone call, and I am so very scared of what is going to happen to JD, my husband and the rest of us. I am sick with worry, I have not even been home to check on my baby I just called the sitter, and told her that there was an emergency here at the hospital and we cannot leave until it is resolved. Turk interrupts my thoughts as he comes storming out of the on-call room.

" Baby I know how we can find JD."

" How we have no clue where he went, he called you from a pay phone so we can't call his cell either!"

" But we can call the phone company and request his phone call log, we can just say that he is a patient and we need to know his whereabouts."

That's why I love Turk he always has a plan I give him a kiss on the cheek. " I am going to call the phone company, you find Elliot and Dr. Cox and tell them of your brilliant plan."

I feel slightly relieved now that we have a plan forming to find JD before it is too late.

(Dr. Cox POV)

Turk has briefed us on his oh so brilliant plan to find newbie so that we can end this after-school special and get back to our lives. I am torn between truly wanting hating newbie for putting me through this or giving into the worry and admit that I really do care for the kid. I spent all night in back alleys and seed bars looking for a stung out JD and it made me pause to think what would happen if we actually lost him. So if I need to call every low-life drug dealer in this city I will.

(Elliot POV)

I am into a good crying jag when the supply closet door is opened and I am met by a hopeful looking Carla I can make out through the tears that she is telling me that we have a plan in place to find JD and that she needs my help to make phone calls. I get up wipe my face and try to stop blubbering and become useful.

(Winston POV)

As a dealer I generally don't get involved with the reasons why people take drugs I just sell them and I make it a rule never to use the stuff myself. At first I thought of JD as an easy mark when I first met him that night in the bar, I could tell that he was dealing with some heavy issues and he looked so pitiful and I truly in that moment just wanted to help him, and I did the only way knew how I offered a free taste of what I understand to be pure bliss and he fully embraced it. I know I made a big mistake getting attached and thinking of him as a buddy, I have a feeling that he has the affect on most people he comes into contact with. When he came to me this morning I could tell that he was in bad shape and that he was going into a dark place and when he asked how much stuff I had left to buy I knew that he was looking more for than a high. I grab JD's cell phone off the kitchen table and go into my bedroom to make a phone call.

(JD POV)

I am trying to cop from Winston but he is looking like he won't sell to me and I am starting to get a little anxious because the more time I spend alive the more time that gives people to find me and drag me back to the hospital. I watch Winston go into the bedroom and close the door. I see my opportunity and swipe baggies off the table and I head straight to the bathroom and close the door and fill two syringes and inject one into each arm and in and instant I can't feel, see or hear and there is nothing but peaceful blackness and silence.

(Turk POV)

I am on hold with the phone company while Carla, Elliot and Dr. Cox are looking up other possible leads to find JD. I hang up when the guy on the other end tells me he cannot help me. Reaching my breaking point I hang up and bury my head in my hands in frustration.

" I think we are too late, I don't think we are going to find him in time."

" Damn it baldy don't say that we can do this."

Just as I am about to start arguing with Cox my cell rings and a voice on the line tells me.

" Don't hang up JD is in trouble and I know where he is."

(Winston POV)

I hang up the phone satisfied that I have for once done something right and helped someone before I helped myself. Now I just have to keep JD occupied until his friends come and get him, I call out to him as I step out of my bedroom but I get no answer. I hear water running in the bathroom and the door is closed, I knock on the door.

" Hey JD you wanna light up a joint and just chill out for awhile man?"

I still get no answer and I began to get a panicky feeling I call out to him again and there is nothing but the sound of water going down the sink. I try to push the door open but there is something heavy leaning against it, I continue to push the door until I can step inside and there is JD on the floor eyes rolled back into his head, foaming at the mouth and convulsing from an overdose.

(Dr. Cox POV)

I am speeding and weaving through the streets while trying to concentrate with a hysterical Barbie crying and carrying on, and Turk and Carla arguing over which direction I should take. We finally pull up to a sad apartment complex that seems to be smack- dab in the middle of skid row and make our way to what I can only assume is JD's drug dealers home. I am filled with dread when I knock on the door and an emaciated man with spiky blond hair and bad skin opens the door. With one look at the man I know something is very, very wrong.

" I didn't know what he was going to do, he must have grabbed the stuff when I was calling you."

I push past him and make my way through this hellhole called a home and stop when I see him body still and pale, lips blue and mouth frothy on the floor. He is convulsing and I can only see the whites of his eyes. Time stops as I fall to the floor and begin CPR I am vaguely aware of Turk, Carla and Barbie all falling beside me as we try to bring him back to life once more but I know deep down inside that he is not coming back from this.

(Turk POV)

As I work on JD I feel how cold his skin is and how he is slipping away from us every second, his eyes are fixed and glassy as life drains out of them and it makes me pound all the more harder on his chest.

" COME ON MAN DON'T DO THIS PLEASE FIGHT IT FOR ME JD! JD PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GO."

(Carla POV)

With shaking hands I fill syringes and give to frantic hands trying to bring JD back, my husband is unraveling each second JD does not respond. I feel the desperation in the air and as the chaos is swirling I focus on the blonde man who is watching all of us.

" LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO HIM! DO YOU SEE THE DESTRUCTION GET OUT GET OUT NOW BEFORE I KILL YOU MYSELF."

He turns to leave and gives one last glance at JD before grabbing his jacket and disappearing out of the door.

(Elliot POV)

I am on the phone calling 911 and telling them to get here and that someone I love is dying. I have never been on this end of it, and it is strange usually we are the ones trying to save someone without the back -story to why they are in the hospital. This time it is personal and I am praying that this story will end happily.

(JD POV)

I can hear them all trying so hard to save me….. but the truth is I am already gone I want to tell them I am so sorry for putting them through this, and reassure them that I am fine the pain is gone I feel so light and happy so light so very light.

_They pronounced him dead at exactly 4:00 pm and as they zipped him up in that black bag it was still unreal to them. John Dorian was dead at age 25 and he was never coming back. Turk, Carla, Elliot and Dr. Cox stood in the parking lot as the coroner wheeled their beloved friend, lover and son into the back of the ambulance to take him back to Sacred Heart for the last and final time. JD had been found but he was still lost to them and this time forever. _


End file.
